A terrifyingly beautiful New York City woman is either preparing the most exquisite, slow-burn revenge murder of all time or has lost her goddamn mind, the New York Post reports today.
Actually, the woman herself reports: Post writer Stephanie Smith has revealed herself—proudly—as the deranged mind behind 300sandwiches.com, a website on which the blogger details her efforts to make her boyfriend 300 sandwiches, so that he will deem her worthy of making his sandwiches for the rest of her life (by proposing to her). It is a modern A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, with added sandwich photos, without the rights of woman.
Surely a woman this beautiful with goals that must go beyond Page 6 cannot seriously think that getting a marriage proposal out of 300 sandwiches is ok, right?
“Make me a sandwich.”
That’s what my boyfriend, E, asks without fail every morning. Not “babe, where are my keys?” Not, “honey, where are my socks?” And no, not even, “c’mon, just the tip?”
Sandwiches. Doesn’t matter what kind. Two pieces of bread, some meat and cheese and he’s in heaven.
E is a lovely cook. He can whip up breakfast, barbecue or a dinner party for 10 without much thought. I’m still working my way through ‘The Joy of Cooking’, but I can make a few meals at random. I am much better at cleaning–after E cooks.
Things are fairly serious between E and I. We’ve been dating for more than a year, and recently, we moved in together to a lovely Brooklyn apartment. We talk about the future—-getting a dog, buying a country house, we’ve even talked about having a family without him breaking into a cold sweat and changing the subject. But I didn’t know when E would be ready for marriage. And like every woman in her mid-30s in a relationship, I wondered if we were going to go the distance.
I realized what it would take to get him to commit after the first time I made him a turkey on whole wheat bread, with mustard, lettuce and swiss cheese.
“Honey, this is the best sandwich ever!” he exclaimed in between bites so rapid in succession, the sandwich was gone in minutes. And then, he dropped a bomb me: “You’re, like, 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring.”
That was it—a proposal hinged on me making him sandwiches.
This has been discussed up, down and sideways on my Twitter timeline today.
Please let this be as fake as the self-discovery blog started by michelle joni.